The Illusion of Aloneness

September 19, 2018 Ali No comments exist

Why is it when something bad happens, or when we have a personal challenge or maybe just a trait that we are struggling with that we assume we are the only one who has ever dealt with this? And why do we feel so alone in that struggle?

Has this happened to you? I know it happens to me all the time. In fact, it happened just last week. I was feeling quite unmotivated throughout the week and I thought to myself “What is wrong with you, why aren’t you more motivated? Other people don’t have this problem.” Literally, that’s what I was thinking. Isn’t that odd? As if no one else has ever felt unmotivated. But that’s what I was thinking, it’s only me. Why is it that our brain thinks this way? I honestly have no idea. 

What Can You Do When You Feel Like You're Alone?

Remind Yourself That You Aren’t Alone! 

  • Sounds simple, but sometimes all we need to do is give ourselves a reminder! Say something to yourself like, “Of course other people have gone through this same thing, in fact there are likely thousands or millions of people who have experienced this!”
Hiking Into the Grand Canyon, we supported each other a lot on this adventure!

Give yourself a little grace. 

  • We expect so much from ourselves and hold ourselves to such a high standard. Give yourself a little break. Remember all the great things you have done. Allow yourself some extra time to figure things out! 
Have you allowed yourself some grace lately?

Find someone going through the same thing! There’s a reason support groups work, because people going through the same thing are extremely good at supporting each other, they understand very well what you’re experiencing. 

  • an example from my life: the people in my chiropractic class. Chiropractic school was extremely challenging, we had anywhere from 23-30 credits per trimester. Yes, the regular type of credits. We typically had class from 8 am to 5 pm. Although frequently, we’d have a 7 am lab, or some night classes. In addition, while I was in chiropractic school, I got certified in acupuncture by going to weekend classes. In the last year of chiropractic school, I also got certified in animal chiropractic. I was BUSY! So how do you survive that? From the support of the people going through the same experience as you. The people in my chiropractic class became my best friends. We supported each other, studied together, and also did social events together. You may assume when you spend that much time with people, you wouldn’t want to hang out with them in your free time. But the opposite was true, we spent almost all of our free time together. No one could better understand what I was going through than my classmates.
Murder Mystery Dinner Party, I ended up drawing the role of murderer, no one thought it could be me, so I won the game!

Spend Time Around Some People

When you get too trapped in your own head, call a friend and ask them to meet up somewhere! I find that’s one of the quickest ways for me to get out of my head. To focus on someone else and to spend time with someone I like. If you tell your friend what thought has been bothering you, I bet they’ll remind you that you aren’t alone! And they might help you find a solution, or at least help you forget about it for a while. 

If your friends are busy, find a social event to go to. There are a ton of meet ups out there. Or maybe join a rotary club! There are lots of ways to be around people. Maybe there’s a hobby you really enjoy that you haven’t done forever, get out there and do it! 

What's One Of Your Favorite Things You Haven't Done In A While?

I’m sure there’s an activity for you that just instantly relaxes you and makes you feel good. For me it’s walking into a horse barn. From that first smell I instantly feel my shoulders relax and I start to breathe deeper. What activity that does that for you? When’s the last time you did it? Time to add it to your schedule!

horse kisses

Moral of the Story? You're Not Alone!

Our mind tells us silly things sometimes, it’s ok, it happens to everyone. Don’t stress about it too much. Just acknowledge that thought, remind yourself that’s not the truth and move on with your day! 


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